To Danny
by Harmony's Entropy
Summary: After months of their friendship being disbanded, Sam writes a letter to Danny.


**Hey, this may be a very hard thing for me to do as it is for everyone else. If this seems too much for you, I suggest for you to continue to read another fanfic, not because of you may not like it, but it's because I'll be getting into a lot of deep detail that I had to deal with throughout my senior year.**

**Just to let you know I added OCs in this, and if you guys see this -(#), at the end of the letter, there's an author's notes which explains everything. I don't own anything recognizable, and hope you guys enjoy (or at least set your mind into) this.**

* * *

_Danny,_

_Damn. Even writing your name makes everything hard for me to tell you what had happen between these months. Although I wanted to you straight from the beginning from when we stopped talking, I knew that somehow you wouldn't make the effort to listen to what I'm trying to say, which is why I wrote this letter. Hear me out (or should I say, read me out) and don't rip up the letter or throw it away, not just yet. Throughout the months, for me, was hell. Yes; I'm telling you the truth and the whole truth. Because of this, everything wasn't the same after what happen that day._

_October._

_We stopped talking in the beginning of that month. To be honest, I actually thought the fight happened was because I asked you a question and you said it was the right way to pronounce the one guy's last name. I thought it was something different, and you made fun of me for that. As much as I didn't like to made fun of for that stupid thing, we fought **(1)**. But now as I looked back at that day, that was a stupid reason for us to stop being friends. But no, it was because of something way different than that, because you told me._

_After an exact week of not talking to each other, I cried. Fuck, I cried even more when I had my things stolen or lost and you were there by my side. I could replace all those things that I had lost or stolen, but I will never replace someone who I care deeply. On that day, I called Mae **(2)** to tell you, the whole "Who do you think you are? crap, but she decided to text you so you could be there for me. You never did. After the night of Homecoming, I knew that we will never go anywhere after that. On that night, I thought about suicide. Yes, suicide. You probably I'm crazy, but I'm just telling you the mild things, you don't want to know what else I'm going to tell you._

_November._

_It's funny how in exact month after we stopped talking, you decided that we're not friends anymore. Mae told me that you were fed up that I was jealous whenever you talked to girls, like girls, or better yet do anything for a girl. When she told me, I called that bullshit. I actually thought that you didn't want to tell me the actual reason because I thought you were embarrassed by it. I guess I was wrong._

_During Thanksgiving break, I would say the Monday of it, I went back to my old habits. Yes, you know what habit I'm talking about. My sister Darlene **(**_**_3)_**_ took a peek and while we stopped at the mall, my mom, Tommy **(3)**, and Georgia **(3)** were out shopping for Christmas presents, it was just me and her. She asked me what happened to my wrist and I told her to leave it be._

_When we came back to school a week later, I didn't want anyone to see the scars, so what I did was covering it up either with make up or long sleeves. It was getting cold, and I didn't want any foundation smearing, so I used sleeves._

_I guess you're at the point of thinking I have problems. Yes, Danny . I saw what you put on Facebook and Twitter. **(4)**_

_December._

_I find it very difficult to cope to deal with the many things that had happened in that month. After the day after Christmas, my family found out about my "problem". Darlene told Georgia about my depression and Georgia made me strip my shirt and all you could see was scratches. I remembered how angry she got and she went to go tell mom. She wasn't happy either._

_The next day, my dad found out. Between post- Christmas and New Years, no one was comfortable when they found out. I guess I fucked everything up._

_January._

_Two things that had happened in that month._

_One: It was 100 days after we stopped talking and ended our friendship. **(5)**_

_And two: My parents suggested therapy. The only thing (or should I say three) that they didn't sent me to therapy was one: I'm not an at-risk kid, two: my grades were okay, and three: I'm not going to the wildernesses for over a year. **(6)**_

_February__._

_I've heard that on Valentine's day, you asked Bianca **(7)** out to prom. You hurt me, Danny. Why would you do that? On that day, I hit my lowest of the low and you didn't even care. Obviously, no one did. Well, only two of my teachers did, and they comforted me. **(8)**_

_I also lost a lot of weight in that month. From 150 to 130 pounds. You probably think I'm crazy even more now, do you? I think I'm crazy too, so I guess we're on the same boat then._

_March._

_No one wanted to talk to me in that month. __I felt so alone during that month and I just isolated myself from everyone else. Tucker didn't like that, but I could care less. The other day Valerie came up and told me that she talked to you and she told me what you said to her, that I ignored everyone and shut myself down. I lied to her and said that wasn't true. I tried to make myself believe that, but I couldn't. _

_Remember the school I wanted to go to? Humboldt State? Yeah, they wanted me to go to a school visit with other seniors! When I heard the news, I wanted to go, but guess what? I got lazy._

_April._

_You might be wondering what happen with the trip to Humboldt State. Well, I wasn't able to go, because there weren't any seats. All of them were taken. On the day of the trip, there was an accident. Yeah, a fed-ex truck went head first towards the third bus. Ten died including five students from the Los Angeles area. I saw the pictures and they haunted me. They still do, because I had a feeling when I first heard it, I could have been in that bus._ **(9)**

_Then prom happened._ _As much as I want to forget what happened to that fucking day, it can't go away. I hated that day. I swear to God, I wish that I didn't go. I wanted to talk to you, but there were so many things standing in the way. When it came to crowning prom queen and king, I decided to brave and told Valerie that I was ready to talk to you. She came up to you and said that it was time. Then Valerie came back and told me that we'll talk after they crown king and queen._

_I was anxious and I knew that you saw it. I told how I felt during those months, but I saw that smirk on your face. You didn't see how much I put my heart out towards you and you shrugged it off as if it was a sick joke. I remember that Valerie tried to have you forgive me, but you couldn't. All that you wanted to do was to go back and slow dance with Bianca. Valerie reminded you that it was senior year, we graduating in less than a month, but you still wouldn't. Fuck, she even begged! She asked you why we're not friends, and you said that I get angry whenever you talk to girls, that I hit you for all the things you would do, practically almost every horrible thing about me. Then you walked away. You didn't looked back. **(10)**_

_So you wanna know what happened after you left. Valerie and I walked away to a different area, and she asked if she and I would talk. I told her that I wanted to be alone. She didn't want me to be alone nor see me cry, but I convinced her. After she left, I cried. I asked God why does this have to happen. I texted Mae, but she said that she was going to bed. After a few minuets later, Tucker came in and hugged me. I needed that. He said what he warned me that this would happen. The rest of prom was okay, but the memory will still haunt me for the rest of my life. **(11)**_

_After we came back from prom, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I went to sleep, thinking that it was just a dream. As I woke up the next day, I realized that the world still continues, and nothing will be taken back._

_On Monday, I heard what you put on Facebook. Yes, Tucker told me. I lost a lot of friends because of that fucking post. Everyone believed you and you made me the bad guy. **(12)**_

_May._

_Your birthday passed. I wanted to tell you Happy Birthday, I almost forgot that you hate me. Weeks passed and we were at the graduation practiced. I realized how immature you were on that day. You can't even stand my presence or even forgive me and it's been, what? 8 months? Yeah. As I walked across that stage, I realized how much has changed over the past four years. I just out of that place alone. And I'm done._

_Throughout those horrible months, I was searching for answers, but I could only answer a couple. I thought so many questions like:_

_Why?_

_Why didn't we talk about this earlier? Why can't we move on? Why would you do this to me? _

_What?_

_What did I do wrong? What become of us now? What can I do so we could start all over? What was the reason for it?_

_How?_

_How long have you been thinking of this? How do you feel during this? How could you do this to me?_

_People say "things happen for a reason", so does it mean that I have to search the answer of why does happen to us. I can't seem to go dig up a hole and find some answers. For a while, I have to process the fact that I lost a really good friend and the one I love. Or should I say loved? Yes, Danny, I was in love with you. And you didn't love me back. This letter isn't about confessing my love and pouring my heart out to you. No, this purpose is for you to know that we changed. We're two different people. _

_"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars. But in ourselves, that we are underlings." Can't you see, Danny? It was our faults! I faced my faults earlier, but you didn't and you still don't. How came we still be friends if we can't move on from the past? How?_

_When we never even tried. We never even talked. We never even thought in the long run. Whenever it was painful, whenever I was away, I'd miss you. I miss you. Danny, I am so sorry for this. I'm sorry that I ruin this friendship. I'm sorry that because of me, we will never be friends. I'm sorry. I hope that soon, whether it's days, months, or years, I hope we could go back to the start._

_Next time, we'll start all over._

_Next time, you'll stop running from your problems._

_Next time, you'll find your happiness._

_Next time, I'll be happy._

_Next time I'll be braver._

_-Sam_

_P.S: Even though the ride we rode together has ended, I still wouldn't change it for the world._

* * *

**(1): If you guys have read one of my stories, "You and I", I brought up that I was having trouble with a friend of mine in the Author's notes. Yup, I thought that was the reason why, but like in the letter, it wasn't.**

**(2): A friend of mine, she's like a sister to me**

**(3): My two older sisters and my younger brother**

**(4): That person put a lot of hurtful things about me while we weren't talking and yes, many people saw it.**

**(5): After finding out that we weren't friends anymore, I decided to count how many days we stopped being friends, just in case we decided to grow up and rekindle our friendship once again.**

**(6): After they found out about my "problem", I overheard my mom talking to my dad about sending me to therapy. My mom found a brochure of a place for me to go, but there were reasons why I couldn't go. The reasons are the same reasons in the letter.**

**(7): A classmate of mine that I met in freshmen year. She's a really nice girl and while he and I weren't talking, I guess he replaced me with her? Nothing personal, I have nothing against her. He asked her to be his girlfriend in early May.**

**(8): Two of my teachers comforted me in that day, and basically throughout the day I cried and I also didn't want to go to school.**

**(9): It's pretty much explanatory.**

**(10 & 11): I still have horrible flashbacks and nightmares on replay. It was awful to him go and most of the time, I can't cope that day. It was horrible.**

**(12): After prom, two friends of mine told me that he put something about me on Facebook. When they asked me if I wanted to know what was it about, at that time, I didn't want to know. Days later, "Mae" told me that status was about me not caring about him nor his feelings.**

**So yes, it hurts losing something, whether it's losing a friend, a love one, or just losing. At first when I wrote this, I wasn't so sure if I wanted to publish this for you guys to see. I think I may have made the right choice. I need to get over him somehow, and by the time I start College, I could move on.**

**I guess things do happen for a reason. Be back soon xx**


End file.
